


Garbage Day

by Rag



Series: GDTSO [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Antagonism, Awful People, Bitterness, Blood Kink, Breaking Celibacy Vows, Breakup, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Developing Relationship, Dom/sub, F/M, Femdom, Jealousy, Lack of Communication, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Post-Relationship, Pre-Relationship, Sexting, Sexual Harrassment, Unhealthy Relationships, Unnegotiated Kink, Violent Sex, Virginity or Celibacy Kink, dubcon, mutal dubcon kink, strong dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 18:17:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14360964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rag/pseuds/Rag
Summary: “And do you think I will not tell everyone that you begged me to fuck you gently, abstinent boy?”That stopped him in his tracks. And then caught back up to you. “Do you really think they’ll believe you over me?”You stopped, stared at him, and smiled. Incredible. You hadn’t thought it was possible for someone to match you like that, play such a filthy card without batting an eye. You wanted to wipe that satisfaction off his face.“You may follow me to my hive.”





	Garbage Day

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes titles take 8098 years and sometimes they just come to you in a brilliant flash of light  
>  **cw: there's a lil bit of doomed damara/porrim at the end**  
>  this takes place significantly before the portula story but you don't have to have read that for it to make sense. im just making this shit more complicated than it needs to be because it's fun

He’s a funny little man. He’s hilarious. They’re all hilarious. And out of nowhere, this one seemed to think you might possibly give a shit about his funny little words that came out of his nasally, pinched little talkbox. His voice sounds like someone is squeezing his globes. And he thought you would tolerate it forever, which is just the funniest fucking thing you’ve ever heard. Absolutely not.

Another hilarious thing: even from day fucking one of your stupid little spades thing (he’ll deny it ever happened, but it abso-fucking-lutely did, and he’s lucky that your hatred for the rest of them just barely outweighs your desire to ruin him), he kept accidentally looking at your breasts and then turning away, talking faster, like someone put him on 1.5x speed. _Oh, if only I should be so lucky, to have the option to speed him up and get this over with,_ you thought to yourself.

You didn’t care that he was looking at your boobs. Your boobs were, and are, fucking perfect. Everyone should look at them all the time. You just thought it was funny that any part of him thought he had a chance with you. Well, joke’s on you. Anyways.

You allowed him to continue. He’d always talked a lot, and he’d always cared about this or that totally important cause, and all you could think about was how funny it was that he didn’t realize that all of you, all of you, each and every single one of you, would die for no reason except the accident of your birth. Wrong session! You’re fucked! You’re fucked, you’re fucked, you’re fucked, too, and you can’t fucking wait for the prick of the universe to finally get in deep and finish the damn thing. Nothing but an act of a comic creator of the universe can stop it --and  _if_ a cosmic creator existed at all, it either died or wants nothing more than to revel in your uselesness -- and the odds of that are as null as the session you happened to be born into. Null, null, null, all of them null, each and every session null, and nothing will ever change that! The entire multiverse is null, and nothing will ever change that, and nothing will ever matter.

“Damara, what are you laughing about? Nothing I said was funny. I can’t help but shake the feeling that you’re not listening to me.”

“I was not.”

He blinked and his mouth droped like a dead fish. “Well, I would like to thank you for at least switching to Beforan to tell me as much. I understand that you appropriate the East Beforan accent as a defense mechanism because of your emotional-“

“So you would like the East Beforan instead.”

“No-“

“あなたの声は私に猫の繁殖を思い出させる.” [Your voice reminds me of the breeding of cats.]

“Damara, please focus, this is important.”

It wasn’t. Yap yap yap like a tiny little pursebound barkbeast. Blah blah lowbloods blah blah alliance, it was nothing, it was worthless and it was nothing but a waste of your time.

That last bit was only half truth. You needed a few moments to compose yourself, frankly, after his little comment about the East Beforan thing. No one had ever been so deeply insulting to you since you ~went off the deep end.~ You were amazed he had the balls to just _say_ things like that to you. Like he truly didn’t care if he lives or dies. It was interesting, and you’d thought they’d all lost the ability to interest you. You would have refused to admit it, but you were curious - when did he get like this? What happened? But you weren’t curious enough to ask him, or curious enough to entertain his ridiculous appeal for lowblood companionship.

“あなたは私の魚の膣を食べますか？” [Do you eat my fish’s vagina?]

“You’re well aware that I can’t understand the vast majority of what you’re saying to me when you use East Beforan, and your attempts to rile me with such language will not be successful. It’s critical that you and I band together as the lowest trolls on the hemospectrum-“

“It is not.”

“Please humor me for a single moment-“

And _finally_ it clicked into place. “Oh, you want to fuck me?”

That stopped him in his tracks. Which, thank god, you’d forgotten what silence sounded like. It almost hurt.

“Damara, no. First of all, I am and intend to remain abstinent.”

God fucking _damn_ him, throwing all this interesting shit right in your fucking lap. What the fuck? He was fucking abstinent?

“Since when?”

“I- Goodness, Damara, it’s been nearly 20 sweeps now, did you really not know?”

It was funny that even then, he thought you cared enough about him to find that out from someone else. It was funny that he didn’t seem to realize how hard he was blushing. Did he think you couldn’t see him staring at your breasts earlier?

“Then why do you flirt with me in the caliginous quadrant?”

“ _Excuse me?_ I’m not flirting with you!” Ha-ha-ha, mutant blood high in the cheeks. You couldn’t wait to stick your stinger in his nook. 20 sweeps, it’d be so tight, like fucking a virgin. (It was) Mm. You thought about making a strategy, even though it wasn’t your style. But you wanted to make him break his vows. You weren’t super pitch for him, but he was attractive enough, and the idea of turning him away from something he cared about was extremely good.

“Damara, do you respect my decision to remain abstinent?”

You laughed.

“You know, I’d heard stories, but you are truly _phenomenally_ rude. What happened to you?”

You smiled and sighed. Boring. You hoped he would become interesting again, and stop being so much like the rest of them.

“I need to establish my boundaries right now. I will not tolerate spades flirting from you, or anyone else.”

You just raised your eyebrows and smoked.

“Can I interpret that as acceptance?”

You exhaled in his face and giggled.

He sighed tightly through his nose. “I will proceed as though you have agreed. And is it fair to assume that your continued presence here is any indication that you accept my invitation to a non-quadrant alliance?”

You handed him your cigarette.

“Thank you, but I abstain from cigarettes and soporifics as well as quadrant activity.”

“Buffoon.”

“Excuse me? I will not be shamed for that decision. It is a test and strengthening of my willpower and resilience, as well as-”

You tired of him. You turned around and went home. He tried calling after you, but gave up soon, thank god.

*

He approached you the next day. He seemed to think you were his friend. You had absolutely no intention to encourage this, but he was not easily dissuaded.

He started telling you about microaggressions he received from the yellow idiot and the teal slut. It was dull, you didn’t care, and you didn’t pretend to care.

“And that’s why we need to form an alliance of sorts.”

“The only alliance I desire is between my stinger and your nook.”

He gaped like a fish again. Glub. You were coming to like the look.

“Do not approach me unless you intend to take my stinger,” you told him.

He blinked at you several times in rapid fire. Nothing to say, incredible. You walked away, he didn’t follow you.

*

He waited only one day. You pailed into your hand several times that evening, thinking about his tight little voice wailing when you fuck him.

“I would like to state from the outset that I am not intending to violate your boundaries with this meeting, as much as I hope you will not violate mine-“

“You want to fuck me?”

“No!” said his mouth, _yes_ said him coming to you after you had made your desires perfectly clear. Funny little man, you barely had to try. You decided to go for it anyways, because it had been a while for you, too.

“Then why are you here?”

“Damara, I need you to stop bringing up such things around me. It’s highly inappropriate.”

And so it went.

*

He was persistent. You couldn’t fathom why, but you had fun playing with him.

GG: This is Damara, c9rrect?

GG: I didn’t get a chance t9 speak t9 y9u a69ut y9ur sm9king ha6its.

TC: 69ははは [hahaha]

GG: 9h, dear. Please tell me y9u d9n’t carry the East 6ef9ran thing int9 y9ur written c9nversati9ns as well.

TC: あなたが私を知らないヤギと性交する人. [A man who fucks with a goat you do not know me.]

GG: I supp9se that n9w, f9r 9nce, I have the a6ility t9 actually translate y9ur speech int9 s9mething I can understand.

GG: I admit I’ve been curi9us what y9u’re saying when y9u change int9 it. I kn9w I c9uld 6e 6etter ab9ut my language studies. I all t99 readily fall int9 the c9mf9rting em6race 9f d9minant language privilege, and it’s s9mething I desperately need t9 check and amend.

GG: Al6iet, all the natural-69rn speakers 9f the East 6ef9ran accent are l9ng dead, and learning the accent at this p9int w9uld 6e entirely t9 f9ster c9mmunicati9n with y9u.

TC: あなたがオルガズムで震えるまで、私はあなたのお尻を喜んで食べるでしょう. [I will gladly eat your butt until you tremble with orgasm.]

GG: 9h, g99dness, th9ugh. En9ugh ram6ling fr9m me. Please excuse my rudeness and all9w me a m9ment t9 find a suitable translat9r.

GG: Ah.

GG: I supp9se sh9uldn’t be surprised, sh9uld I.

GG: With all due respect, Damara, I will kindly ask y9u t9 refrain fr9m saying such things t9 me in the future, East 6ef9an 9r n9t. I’m h9nestly at a l9ss f9r w9rds t9 express h9w h9rrified I am.

TC: 処女はセックスの結果を望んでいますか？ [Does a virgin want a result of sex?]

GG: Is that an ap9l9gy?

TC: ファックノー [Fuck no]

TC: I WILL SAVE YOU TROUBLE, THAT MEANT FUCK NO.

GG: 9h! Please c9ntinue speaking like that f9r the durati9n 9f 9ur c9nversati9ns. I will have a significantly easier time facilitating meaningful discussi9n if we use the same t9ngue.

TC: 同じ舌。ハハ。愚かな男、我々は両方が意図的だったことを知っている。私の舌はあなたの5番目のオルガスムであり、あなたは叫ぶでしょう. [The same tongue. Haha. A foolish guy, we know that both were intentional. My tongue is your fifth orgasm and you will cry]

GG: 9kay.

GG: I admit I didn’t have much h9pe y9u w9uld 96lige me. Give me a few m9ments.

TC: TAKE YOUR TIME :)

GG: Damara, y9u make it incredi6ly hard t9 talk t9 y9u.

TC: :)

GG: N9, I d9 n9t want t9 engage y9u in sexual activities. That c9uld n9t be further fr9m the reas9n I c9ntacted y9u.

GG: Please listen t9 me.

\-- TC has logged off --

GG: Really?

GG: Damara, really?

*

For some reason, he kept texting you after that. Like a fucking machine. Literally nothing seemed capable of dissuading him.

And you knew what that meant. You’re hot as sin, but you’re not _that_ hot. He was getting off on it. You wondered if he rubbed his tiny little stinger when he was messaging you, and every time you send him another filthy line he squirts a fresh dribble of red into his tight fist. Sometimes you fantasized that you might say something so arousing that he couldn’t help himself, and you’d notice him time out for a few minutes before coming back. It didn’t happen, but you could dream.

Why were you bothering messaging him like some kind of preteen schoolgirl? Well, you liked a challenge, and he presented a challenge. He cared about celibacy (pretended to, at least). You wanted to make him break that for you. You were also bored, and talking to him made you realize that. There were worse ways to spend a half hour than dance that stupid tango, where you would mock him to his face and he would stutter and pretend to be disinterested in pitch and then come back for more. You knew you would get bored of it eventually, but you could enjoy it while it lasted.

*

“While I’m aware the point may be moot seeing that we have, technically, already passed into the afterlife, maybe even _the_ afterlife, although certain possibly-prophetic dreams from certain other lowbloods among us would lead, at least, myself to believe that we are, eventually, due for further relevance for the universe, even in our ghost forms-“

This was the first point where you actually found yourself listening to his stupid words. You immediately corrected the cosmic scales.

“How big is your stinger?”

“I-“ he stopped and just stared at you. He blinked several times. “Excuse me, Damara?”

“You heard me. How big is your stinger?”

He was flushing mutant red and you had never been more alive. “I hardly see how that’s relevant to the discussion at hand, which is-“

“Small, then?”

“I-no! Please, Damara, I’m trying to speak! And I thought you were listening. Were you just pretending to care? I don’t think I have to explain how outrageously rude that is.” Another reason why you keep him around is that he says hilarious things like this. He truly thinks you could possibly give a shit about rudeness at this point, and that he can shame you into more proper behavior.

(And you were all fucked up because, well, he _had_ to know that he was pitchflirting with you. He had to, right? God, you thought he was so funny. If he didn’t know, that was funny because how could anyone be so oblivious? If he did know, _that_ was even funnier, because it’s truly transparent and yet he still denied it, and probably got off on the bold-faced lie. He was just soooo fucking funny, wasn’t he. It was all just so fucking hilarious.)

“What is main point of monologue?”

He looked away huffily. “Well, I…”

“Speak up, little man. Your voice is smaller than your dick right now.”

He glared. “I was going to ask to try your cigarette, Damara, because the way you’re puffing away at it constantly has gotten me intellectually curious about-“

You pushed it into his hands. The faster he broke this vow, the close you got to finally fucking pailing him.

“Smoke.”

He took one puff before hacking up a lung. You laughed, plucked the cigarette out of his hands, and finished it as you walked back to your hive.

*

More messages, more meetings, another week, and what you had feared was happening: you were getting bored. You’d been taking it slow, trying to prolong it, but if nothing changed soon you knew you would set it on fire just to see what colors the flames made as it burned. You didn’t _care_ , per say, that in all likelihood you were going to be spending your days and nights alone again in a matter of months. You saw it coming. At that point, you had been alone since that fucking shitstain whore fucked blue instead of just telling you he was a worthless fucking unfaithful slut from the get-go-

You’re not bitter. Anyways. It was just that, you knew it be more fun if you could just make Kankri interesting enough to prolong your little tryst a little longer.

He found you where he always found you, against the crumbling wall of the abandoned factory. He seemed really excited that day, he barely even bothered with the usual “how are you doing, Damara? I have so much to tell you, if you’re willing to listen?” song and dance.

Blah blah microagressions blah blah transparently narcissistic powerplay blah blah maybe Cronus could be an exception to his quadrant abstinence vows because that particular quadrant doesn’t count in the same way that-

Oh, what?

“What?”

He stopped and looks bashfully to the side.

“I- I just, I’ve been thinking about it lately, because he seems to want me in the pale quadrant, and I could-“

“Shut up. I don’t care about your boyfriend. Do you want me to fuck you?”

He stuttered on whatever dumb words he was going to say.

“Damara!” he said. You waited. “I-I don’t-“

“Answer me. Choose. Right now.” You got such a rush. You were all, _Dumb bitch, why are you_ _pushing it now_? _It’s too soon, he’s going to refuse_. It was such a risk and you were so fucking high on it.

“That-that’s inappropriate,” he said weakly. You could have taken him right fucking there, if he’d let you.

“No, then?”

He just let his dumb open mouth flap uselessly, like that would a decision fall out of the sky for him. Little idiot.

Well, it was worth a shot, and you decided that was getting boring anyways. They’re all worthless, pointless, and doomed, each and every one of them. You stubbed your cigarette out on the wall and left without another word. You had a feeling that you’d just been expecting way to much from him. And you were right, and then you continued to do so for _months_. Why did you let that intuition go? Stupid bitch.

You were surprised when he sprinted to get in front of you.

“Can we talk?”

 _Can we talk?_ Ha. Get a little more trite. Uncreative idiot. No. You kept walking, back to your hive, where could can listen to music and smoke soporweed and sleep.

“Damara, please, listen.”

“You never let my lack of interest stop you from speaking before.”

He bared his teeth at you and you really don’t even have to finish the rest of this little scene, do you? You get the picture.

“I-I haven’t been completely honest with you.” He had to walk very quickly to keep up with you. Lanky little mutant boy, so much shorter than even a rustblood girl. “I have had feelings towards you regarding the caliginous quadrant-“

“I am aware of this.”

“What?”

“It has been transparent for weeks. Do you want me to fuck you or no?”

“I’m abstinent,” he said, as if this was news to you. You’d gotten the strong impression that he just liked to say it out loud and think about how oh-so-very true it is. It was gross, although you admired the gall he had to involve you in the fetish without receiving your consent first. Maybe that made him marginally more interesting than the other 10, but he was (and is) still solidly among them. “I have,” he panted, “chosen to give up the quadrants altogether.”

“You exhaust me. I could not care less about your quadrant choices unless they involve my stinger.”

“But you- Damara, I just-“ he wheezed to get his breath back.

“You are truly pathetic, are you aware?”

“Yes,” he said, looking so open and vulnerable that you wanted to cram your stinger deep in his nook and think twice of showing you such weakness again. “I-I can’t say it like that, but, if you w-wanted to engage in some caliginous play, I… I-I-I wouldn’t be opposed-“

“You want to be fucked. You crave it.”

He gasped and you could absolutely see his stinger in his pants. “Damara, I,” he whispered, his voice a little tighter, somehow, “please be gentle. It’s been so long, I-I’m nervous.”

You were. So fucking glad that you decided to push this. You were rock hard just listening to this abstinent boy beg for you to be gentle. You don’t think you’ve ever felt such a rush, before or since.

“And do you think I will not tell everyone that you begged me to fuck you gently, abstinent boy?”

That stopped him in his tracks.

You remember being completely annoyed by the fact that you found this interesting. You obviously had the complete upper hand on him, but not on your reactions to him. You remember how much this annoyed you even then.

He caught back up to you. “Do you _really_ think they’ll believe you over me?”

You stopped, stared at him, and smiled. Incredible. You hadn’t thought it was possible for someone to match you like that, play such a filthy card without batting an eye. You wanted to wipe that satisfaction off his face.

“You may follow me to my hive.”

*

He shut the fuck up the rest of the way home. You found that acceptable.

*

“I really haven’t done this in-in a long time,” he said breathily the second you closed the door.

“Take your clothes off.” He did as you, much too eagerly. Underwear stayed on, too shy to get entirely naked for you yet, but his desperation was palpable. You took a few steps closer to him and leaned over. He shook when you stopped just short of kissing him. “Are you so desperate to be fucked?”

His mouth trembled, and you could see a thousand words flit through his empty little head and get stuck in his throat. You ran your finger down the very center of his chest, not even bothering with his grubscars, and he moaned. Just from that. You watched his grubscars swell and pucker with blood. You thumbed both of them at once, just to see what he would do.

His stinger writhed in his underwear. His entire face crumbled in a silly-looking mess of pleasure and he fucking trembled. He was so easy to please, but you felt powerful.

“Should I force you to pail from this?” you asked, rubbing at them. He stuttered out some nonsense, and you doubled your efforts. Mouth, claws, tongue, teeth. He sang for you, his silly little voice begging you for more, please. Please? No. Go fuck yourself. No one tells you what to do, small little bitch. “You probably would. Easily. It has been so long.”

He shivered. “Yes.”

“Do you jack yourself off, little man?”

“Th-that’s none of your business.”

You sank a claw into his skin, drawing bright red blood to the surface. He stared at it, entranced, and panted.

“Oh, do you like to look at your own freakishness? Does it arouse you to see the aberration you are?”

He made a choked sound. He was really too fucking easy to solve.

“Do you really think I will fuck you if you do not answer my questions?”

He bit his lip and whined. “I-I pail myself, yes.”

Good. You need to reward good dogs. You pulled down his underwear and he gasped. Not so small, actually. Very impressive for his height.

“How? What do you think of?”

“Damara, please-“

“You make no demands of me,” you say seriously, and you absolutely mean it.

He looked away. “W-with my hand, a-and a pocket nook.”

“What do you think of?”

“I-I-C-Cronus? M-M-“

“Do you think I want these names? _What_ do you think of. Not who.”

“And you,” he continued, so quietly you barely heard it. But you did.

“Me?”

He nodded.

“Doing what?”

The embarrassment spilled over. He struggled, tried to get the upper hand on you. Ha, ha, no. You forced him hard against the door and waited until he stopped wiggling. You think you both enjoyed it, having him naked and hard and struggling before you had even taken your shoes off. You certainly enjoyed it. Mm.

“I can’t speak of those things, it’s-it’s so improper-“

“Tell me what you think of and I will make you spill.”

He took a deep breath, and you watched his stringer drip bright red premat onto your floor. He buried his face in his hands. You allowed it. “You-you pin me down and force me to-to break my vows.”

“And do you like it?”

“Yes.”

Fun. You totally called it.

“Okay.”

You rewarded him by wrapping your hand around his stinger. You stroked the hard, scaly skin firmly and quickly and reveled in the way he seized and cried. How long would he last? You began to count in your head.

Three, four, five-

“Damara! Damara, oh, God!”

-six, seven-

“I-I-It’s been-I can’t-“

-eight, nine- nine. Nine seconds.

His legs gave out. He held your thigh for support and made the most beautiful, pathetic sounds as he shivered through it.

That’s when you decided to keep him around.

You showed him some modicum of mercy - you’re not _evil_. You allowed him to fully enjoy his first release at the hands of someone else in however many sweeps, and you allowed him recover for a few seconds before you hiked your dress up and pulled him by the hair.

“You will suck it.”

For once, he didn’t argue. You’d never been happier with his mouth. He even swallowed your mat without complaint, just a weak little cough when you finally let him go. He leaned back against the door and stared up at you, flushed and glowing and reverent.

“You were not always abstinent,” you say, tucking yourself back into your underwear. He sucked bulge far too well.

“No.”

“You were a fucking whore before.”

“Well, no-“

“You were. And you like your own blood?”

He cringed, didn’t answer. You leaned down and dragged your claw across his chest. He gasped and stared at you hopefully.

“Should I break the skin?”

“N-not where it- only where my clothes can cover it,” he whispered. “Please, please do it.”

You allowed him that. You painted a bright, dripping stripe across his chest and ran your fingers through it. He was already hard again. You would take longer than him, not too long. It had been a while for you, too.

“Fuck me with your virgin stinger.”

“It’s not-“

Semantic bullshit. You stared at him until he backed down, and your stinger swelled. Every time you asserted your dominance over him, and every time he cowered back like a weak little mouse, you fekt a rush of something you never want to lose.

You rode his stinger until he pailed in you, and didn’t stop when he went limp. He didn’t ask you to, he just groaned and trembled in pain. You told him how much better he sounds then than when he runs his mouth about things he knows doesn’t matter, and he kissed you. You allowed it. It had been a very, very long time since you’d kissed someone, and it wasn’t horrible.

You thought you were starting to like him. He was fun than you ever would have guessed possible.

“You may return when you wish,” you told him when he finally gathered his clothes to crawl back to his hive.

“Okay,” he said hazily.

*

His inane messages became more fun. Obviously.

GG: Damara, 9ur caligan9us relati9ns aside, I really d9 wish t9 c9ntinue talking t9 y9u a69ut the g9ings-9n 9f the 6u66le. If y9u d9n’t mind, that is?

TC: IT IS FINE. SPEAK YOUR POINTLESS WORDS.

GG: They’re n9t p9intless, but n9netheless, thank y9u f9r indulging me.

GG: …I was s9mewhat w9rried y9u w9uld think I had 6een merely faking my interest in such su6jects, as an underhanded meth9d 9f c9urting y9u. I w9uld never. That w9uld be h9rribly inappr9priate.

TC: YES.

And, well, more stupid ramblings about people you didn’t care about. They blurred together. You remember no details. Then, things like:

GG: There’s s9mething else.

GG: I need t9 clarify that the reas9n I tended t9wards 6l99d c9l9r in 9ur discussi9ns 9f p9litics was never d9ne with the intent 9f ar9using 9ne 9r 69th 9f us.

TC: OH?

GG: D9 y9u understand?

TC: あなたの血はあなたを角質にしますか？[Does your blood make you horny?]

GG: I hardly want t9 talk a69ut such things 9ver text.

TC: ANSWER.

GG: Y9u kn9w it d9es.

TC: ふしだらな女. [slut]

GG: Damara, please, focus.

TC: あなたは自分を撫でていますか？ 今？[Are you stroking yourself? now?]

GG: Yes.

TC: 良い。続行できます。 [good. You can continue.]

GG: Thank y9u.

TC: HOW LONG.

GG: N9t l9ng. Y9u kn9w what y9ur insults d9 t9 me.

TC: 深刻なカットはあなたにオルガスムをしますか？[Does a deep cut make you orgasm?]

GG: Yes, pr966a6ky.

TC: あなたは本当にあなたの血を性的に好きですか？[Do you really like your blood sexually?]

GG: Yes. I’m s9 ashamed 9f it.

TC: YOU SHOULD BE. FILTHY MUTANT WHORE.

GG: Please call me that again.

TC: NO.

GG: 9kay

TC: STUPID SLUT SHOULD BE HERE SUCKING MY STINGER.

GG: I w9uld.

GG: G9d, it’s s9 h9rrid seeing myself write these things.

TC: HAHA

TC: STROKE YOUR BULGE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT A TRANSGRESSIVE SLUT YOU ARE. BITCH.

GG: Can I c9me?

TC: WHAT DO I CARE?

GG: Please tell me t9.

TC: NO.

TC: COME IF YOU WANT TO COME. DON’T IF YOU DON’T.

GG: Please.

TC: YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF.

GG: I’m s9rry

TC: GOOD.

TC: DID YOU DECIDE TO COME? I’M CURIOUS.

GG: n9

TC: I THOUGHT YOU WOULDN’T. DISGUSTING FREAK.

TC: YOU WOULD LIKE BEING LOCKED IN A CAGE IF ONLY I HAD THE KEY.

GG: Yes a6sl9tley

TC: FREAK.

GG: I am

TC: DID YOU COME YET? I TIRE OF WAITING FOR A CONCLUSION TO THIS.

GG: 9nly if y9u want me t9

TC: DISOBEDIENT BITCH.

TC: I DID NOT AGREE TO CONTROL THAT FOR YOU.

GG: I kn9w, I’m s9rry

TC: YOU ARE NOT SORRY. YOU WILL LEARN WHAT SORRY MEANS.

TC: IF I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH IT FOR A MONTH, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

TC: ANSWER ME, BITCH.

GG: I’m s9rry

GG: I c9uldn’t h9ld it.

TC: WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. FUCKING TEASE WHORE. I WILL SHOW YOU PAIN.

GG: Please d9.

TC: GET YOUR FUCKHOLE OVER HERE.

GG: What, n9w?!

TC: YES, BITCH. NOW.

GG: 9kay

\-- GG has logged off --

*

And that set off a few alarm bells, sure, but you ignored them and just focused on how hot it was that he was so fucking weird. Looking back, you should have realized that he was starting to give as good as he got. You should have noticed that the longer your little tryst went on, the more confident he was. The less content he was to just be pushed around. The deeper your insults had to cut before he would whine. He almost cried when you accuse him of hiding behind his walls of big impressive words to hide the fact that he is a stupid little freak who thinks he’s above it all. But then he asked you to say it again, tell him how small and useless he is.

The signs were there, but you ignored them. You were so thrilled by the challenge, so surprised by his unpredictability and gall. No one else had bothered to fuck with you since a few weeks after you ~snapped.~ And sex was more engaging than fucking your fist over and over, day after day.

Eventually it got to a point where he was arguing with you even while he was getting chuterailed. You enjoyed it. He was making you work for your dominance. It was a something to conquer, and it made the reward of his perpetual submission that much more enjoyable. It wasn’t like anything he said could actually bother you.

If you had the tolerance for even a moment of real self-reflection, you could have saved yourself some trouble. But, fuck it. Whatever, you fucked up, you read the tea leaves wrong, it won’t happen again. Anyways.

*

“You’re such a stone bitch, aren’t you? You think-“ he shut up and moaned shakily when you sank your teeth into his shoulder. You kissed his sweet, tangy blood into his mouth and his nook pulsed. You know he gets off on that, right? He gets off on what a freak he is, and then turns around and shoves his freakishness in _everyone’s_ face constantly. You still admire that about him.

(And honestly, forgive your fucking impudence if you thought shit like that meant he was enough like you that… no, fuck it.)

“What were you saying?”

It took him a moment to refocus. “You think if you just act like a freak that no one will ever hurt you again-“

Your blood ran cold and you jammed your hand over his mouth. Your hips faltered for a critical second, and you knew he felt it, you knew he knew he hit the nail on the head. But you kept fucking him, and he fought your hand away and you fucked him harder until he let go and gushed all over your floor. You were annoyed that you allowed him to do that on your floor. You let go and kept pailing him and he whimpered and gripped at your back.

“It’s- it’s so hard-“

“You enjoy it.”

Another gush of genetic fluid, another pathetic little sound. Kinky piece of shit. He was half hard by the time you filled him, and begged you to touch it, please, please?

You just glared at him. Not fucking then, no, you didn’t fucking feel like it.

“I need it.”

“You do not.”

“Damara,” he cried. You pulled your stinger out of him.

“You may use my ablution block.”

He did. Walked over to it, bowlegged and petulant. And that piece of shit whimpered like a wanton whore as he wanked his stinger over your toilet, until you went ahead and opened the door and finished the job yourself just to stop the fucking noises sooner. You were also curious how much spunk would come out of him on round three. (not much)

You were enjoying his body a little too much, overindulging in all the fun reactions you could pull from it. You loved dominating one of them completely, ruining them and making them come to you to be ruined. It was so fun that you let it keep happening, like an idiot.

*

You should have known better than to have him back after that. You underestimated him. You thought he was still in the same category as them, therefore. Because really, they know so little about so much, and they care so deeply about the stupidest things, they’re really such fucking idiots and you truly didn’t expect it when he flipped you around and held you down against the wall and whispered in your ear-

“Do you think we all can’t see through you? You pretend you’re above it all but it’s just an excuse. You’re all bark.”

You felt sick.

“Shut the fuck up-“ he stuck his gross mutant hand in your mouth and groaned when you bit down. His stinger was thick and ready against your backside and you considered taking it, but only if he shut the fuck up with that shit.

He didn’t.

“You know it’s true, right? You’re just sad and scared and just as defenseless as the rest of us, aren’t you? You think keeping your distance means you’re in control, but you know you’re not.”

You realized several things at once.

He was correct. He correctly assumed that about you. He correctly assumed that it would sting to hear. It stung. Something this yapping fuck toy said to you stung. You cared what he said to you, about you. He could see through you and had the ability to hurt you.

And well of course you’re not fucking dealing with that.

You shook him off easily. You’re significantly stronger than him, and you were humoring him by allowing him to wrestle you down.

He glared at you. “What? Don’t tell me that was too much. You’re above caring what I say, because you think-”

“Leave.”

His expression changed. Hurt, confused, shocked, you didn’t care, why the fuck would you care?

“What?”

“You’re not welcome here.”

He snarled, his nose curled in disgust, his fists tight at his sides. “Slipping back into contractions? Isn’t that beneath you, too? Or am I just that special?”

You reared back, realizing that, yep, you lost the put-on accent that you adopted, because _he made you feel something_. Further proof you need nothing more than to never fucking see him again! Thanks, Kankri!

“Get out of my fucking hive.”

“Damara, come on-“

He took a few steps back and clutched his hand to his chest. You grabbed his stupid fucking shirt off the floor and threw it at him.

“Get the fuck out!”

“Wait, I-“

“You don’t get to talk to me.”

He stepped back as you crowded him towards the door. He looked- you couldn’t look at him, why the fuck would you? He’s not worth your gaze.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t-”

 “I don’t care.”

You didn’t. There was nothing to care about. He’s nothing, they’re all nothing.

“I didn’t mean-“

“Kankri. Listen to me. I don’t. Fucking. Care.”

You push him out the door, close it, lock it, and run to your room before he starts barking again.

(you brought this on yourself)

You shakily rolled a soporweed joint, laced it with some crushed secret stuff that fucked you up just enough to pass out. It took you several fucking tries to get the thing lit, it was a faulty lighter, you threw it out later, and then sucked the smoke in deep until you couldn’t think. You took another drag, and another, and another, until you were staring ceiling, giggling and gasping. Every pore of your skin was on fire and your nerves coursed with pure energy.

He’s wrong, you’re right, you’re all doomed, they’re all garbage, none of it matters and none of it counts. You made another blunt, just as strong. You can’t die, but you can sleep.

You enjoy the thought that you slept through the next few days, while he spent them alone and in pain.

*

You woke up to a pounding at your door and a terrible headache. You didn’t answer it, and went back to sleep.

*

You woke up later to the same fucking sound. Your head felt better but you still felt like someone scraped your guts out and then force fed them back to you. Apparently, you’d have to deal with it to just get it over with.

You went downstairs.

“What.”

“Damara, we need to talk.”

You had thought you were prepared. You were not.

“Can you open the door?”

“いいえ.” [No]

“Well, I know enough East Beforan and context to understand that-“

“くそくらえ.” [Fuck you]

“And that. Can we please speak in Beforan?”

“あなたのお母さんは地獄のコックを吸う.” [Your mother sucks the cocks of hell]

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Lies. You wouldn’t care if they weren’t, either.

“I… I wanted to tell you, I don’t even know why I took those vows to begin with?”

Your eyebrows raised and you laughed. You still can’t fucking fathom what he thought he was communicating to you with that. He sounded like it was some kind of big secret he was revealing. It’s nothing.

“Is that funny to you?”

“はい.” [Yes]

“Okay, I… I understand that I upset you-“

You hated hearing this shit out of him. You hated that you were so fucking transparent. He was right, you pretend to be above it all and you’re completely full of shit, and this is exactly what happens when you let someone close enough that they can see that.

“-but I wish you would... Damara?”

“何?” [What?]

“Can please give me something to work with here?”

 “私はあなたから本当の痛みを受けたくない.” [I do not want to receive real pain from you.]

You laughed. It was as funny as if you’d said something gross and inflammatory, funnier, because it’s exactly what he wanted to hear and he just~ couldn’t understand you~

He sighed. “Okay, then. You’re going to be like that. I don’t know why I… okay. I really am sorry, though. I don’t know why that set you off. I thought…”

That was rich, beautifully rich. He didn’t _get_ it, but he knew to say it. Ha.

“あなたのお尻のジュースは最も古いワインのシチューです.” [Your butt juice is the oldest wine stew.]

“Damara, please!” You wished he would stop fucking sounding like that, it pissed you off. Was he going to fucking cry? Then fucking cry already. Poor little baby, the antagonistic psychotic bitch of the batch hurt his tender young feelings. How did he not see that coming? He’s beyond stupid, he’s at fault, he brought it on himself. “I… do like you, Damara. And I’m… honestly not thrilled that this is happening now, when I… that is first time I really tried to reciprocate pitch sparring, and I didn’t know-“

No no no no no you didn’t want to fucking hear that, you didn’t fucking care, you didn’t feel guilty, that’s fucking ridiculous. He’s going to die and you’re going to die and none of this mattered, least of all the fact that he put his fucking hand in a hungry fox’s mouth and the fox bit him. 馬鹿. [fool]

"修道女たちは鬼の乳首の乳首からミルクを吸う.” [The nuns suck milk from the teat nipples of demons.]

“Okay,” he said quietly. “I’m sure this is hilarious for you. And I’m sure you’re saying horrible things about nothing that matters, because that’s what you do when… whatever.”

"あなたを気にするのは愚かでした。私は再び間違いを犯さない” [It was foolish to care about you, I will not make a mistake again.]

He’s quiet for a while. Long enough that you start to worry he might actually understand your awful East Beforan. And then, just.

“Is this it, then?”

You almost responded in standard Beforan. But that’s not you.

“はい。私の家を離れる.” [Yes. Leave my house.]

And he left.

*

You have better things to do, and being alone is infinitely better than getting enmeshed in their sad, stupid undead lives. You don’t intentionally avoid his haunts, you just have no reason to go to the park or the library. Are you the kind of girl who gives a fuck about the park or the library? Fuck no.

*

He gave up. But you kept seeing him typing to you, then deleting it. And you saw that because you read your old chatlogs, ok, fucking sue you. And well you knew you needed to make it more final, and then like serendipity from the sky, you found the jade one smoking in the woods. She offered you her cigarette.

“Want some?”

“象が出産すると、子牛の体重は200〜320ポンド.” [When the elephant gives birth, the calf weighs between 200 and 320 pounds.]

She seethed at you, and you beamed. “Yeah, okay, just take the fucking thing if you want it.”

You took it.

“ありがとうございました” [Thank you very much]

“So you’re still on the East Beforan thing, then.”

“話しをやめ、売春をやめる.” [Stop talking, stop your prostitution]

“Fuck off, I’m not getting on your case about it.” She looked at you for a while, considering something. “You wanna do something fucked up?”

You listened.

She asked you if you want to make one of these stupid fuckers mad, the clown, angry feelings and breakups blah blah you didn’t care. You listened for relevant details only. She wanted to pitchfuck you where he could hear it. It was genius, she’s horrible and petty and worthless and exactly what you hate about all of them, and she gave you a wonderful idea to put a final nail in the coffin of what should have been long dead. Just in case.

“And then we fuck outside of Kankri’s hive. Near to the bedroom.”

She gave you a baffled look.

“Shit, you can still speak Beforan?”

“私が必要なとき.” [When I need it.]

“Okay, whatever. Also, what the fuck? Kankri?”

“Those are my terms. Agree or refuse.”

“Uh, sure, I guess? Why the fuck not.” She laughed. Foolish bitch. Why the fuck not, indeed. “You crazy bitch. You know he’s celibate, right?”

You smiled.

“はい.” [Yes.]


End file.
